This Much I Know - Part One

Someone once cautioned against the giving of advice, declaring that "the wise don't need it and fools won't heed it".  Up until now, I've pretty much held back on giving any kind of advice to people starting out in my profession because I've always felt that to do so would imply that I think I'm some kind of big name in the entertainment business.  It would also imply that I think I know what I'm talking about.

That said, over the fifteen or so years that I'm been performing professionally - not to mention the ten or so years before that when I was a jobbing entertainer, dipping my size twelves into comedy, acting and music, relying on friends and family to get me to gigs and always having to use the in-house PA system (first piece of advice, kids: never use the in-house PA) - I've been approached by many a young Turk, wanting to know the best way to get stage work, should they start out with open-mic spots (second piece of advice: never do open-mic spots) etc etc.  So, I thought, "what the hey?", why not put together the little tid-bits and nuggets of of wisdom I have accrued from the various hotels, pubs, cafes, social clubs, sporting clubs, festivals, restaurants, Masonic Lodges, theatres and toilets masquerading as any of the afore-mentioned venues, and put them out there?  Why not, indeed?

This is aimed, then, specifically at anyone who wants to be a professional, gigging singer.  Because that's what I am, or rather, of all the things I do, it's what I've proven to be best at.  

To start with, you're going to need gear.  No, not that kind of gear; that comes later, usually at the after-gig parties.  Speaking of which, never have anything stronger than a Senior Service and half a lager before a gig; I once did a gig stoned at a golf club (golfers are the straightest people in the world - they think that draping a pastel-shaded sweater over the shoulders with the arms loosely knotted across the chest is a good look, for Christ's sake - and it was like standing in front of a firing squad).  Shop around and always ask any musician friends if they have anything they can give or sell you (I recently gave a Shure SM58 to an aspiring young rap artist.  I had two, he had one.  Seemed like the fairest thing to do was to give him one of mine.).  There's a lot of great retailers out there and you'll often find the staff really know what they're talking about.  Have a budget - a PA system is going to cost you a fair bit - and always get the best that you can afford.  Stage gear is going to be your biggest outlay; how's your relationship with your bank manager?

Once you've got your gear, get to know it.  Find some space, get it set up and play around with it.  A garage is perfect for this if you have one.  Clear some space in there and turn it into a rehearsal room - you're going to be spending a lot of time here.

Now, what sort of singer are you going to be?  Are you going to specialise in one particular genre or do you want to be a bit of an all-rounder?  Are you planning on being a solo act or will you be looking to join a band?  

If you're going solo and you don't play an instrument, then you're going to be relying on backing music to augment your performance.  As with your stage gear, you'll want to get the best that's out there.  Most suppliers provide free samples to give you an idea of how the arrangment sounds.  Some will even change the key for you and there's at least one supplier of whom I know who will provide custom backing tracks for your performance.  Shop around.  There's a lot of backing music providers out there and it's not always the ones who charge the most who provide the best service.

How much money is left out of your budget now?  Enough to get some lights?  You want the audience to see you don't you?  May as well get some lights, then.  You can go subtle or you can go big - lazers, dry ice, inflatable pigs - and you'll find that the companies who sell music gear also do a nice line in lighting and stage effects.  

Okay, so what exactly are the audience going to be looking at when the lights are on you?  You weren't thinking of wearing the same clothes you arrived in were you?  Stage clothing is an absolute must.  It says something about the kind of performer you are.  So have a think about what you want to look like when you're up there, what kind of image you want to project to the audience.  Believe me, this shit matters.

That's all for now.  Next time, we'll have a look at self-promotion and who the most important person is at a gig (hint: it's not you).  Until then, keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for cigars.